Mistake. Never good enough. Fat. Ugly. >>>Insert slam here<<< Growing up my head was filled with words that all added to the conclusion that I'll never be worth it. Different phrases from different faces in towns and places sure to leave a lasting impression in my mind, heart, and soul.
Born of a mother and father too young to care for me, I was a statistical anomaly from the very beginning.
Mama married a man with a bad past and broken promises. He cut us down, slapped us around, and left invisible scars that will never heal.
Out of the lies, all of the cries, the hurt and the pain, I decided at a very young age, I will be no one's statistic. Maybe that was the problem.
Society rejects anything that doesn't fit into the mold.
Children posed with the question, "If you could be anyone for a day who would you be?" As if they are not good enough being who they are.
Dodging the question with shallow answers such as Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn my whole body always wanted to scream out another answer, "I WOULD BE MYSELF!"
Each day a different person suiting someone else. Pretending to be perfect for them. I lost myself in the process.
But how could I ever say that out loud? It's conceited and self-indulgent and a child or person in this society should never do such a thing.
After 25 years of losing myself in attempt to make those around me happy, I'm saying it now.
Today and everyday I'm going to be me.
A multi-faceted girl living in a rather difficult world.
I may be big, but my heart and passion for which I do things is even bigger.
I'll let you in on a little secret though....
My self-worth is not dependent on those around me, or the number sewn on the inside on my clothing.
Every day I struggle to get up and look at myself in the mirror.
The hurt will undo.
The scars will fade away.
The next time someone asks, who you would be, you know what to say.
These photos have been a long time coming. Over two years I have tried to take these photos since the release of the Beauty is Sizeless Campaign. I have tried on numerous occasions and stopped and cried repulsed by what I saw. I felt like a liar. It wasn't that I didn't believe that beauty is sizeless, I just didn't believe I could ever be beautiful. I am so overwhelmed with fear looking at this, but I know I have to do it.